I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
