Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
do herpes really smell.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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