is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
