I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
