Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
