He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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