i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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