You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
