I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You were trust falling into bushes
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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