The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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