btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Randomize
