We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize