My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
