I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
