We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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