I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
