I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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