No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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