I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
