SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
