I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
