Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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