so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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