Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
sarcasm needs its own font
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
