No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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