I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
