i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize