Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bed is full of blood and feathers
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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