I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
