I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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