the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
