i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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