Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize