dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
