I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Rumble strips road head = magical
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize