He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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