happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I did not marry a roomba.
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