so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
