Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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