you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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