3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Porn is love you can see.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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