You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
