I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
