I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
