I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
