dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
