Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
