Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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