just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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