Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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