Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
