Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
