This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
