You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
