now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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