she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
